musings

Wiping away the vapor that encapsulates my mind,I look around me like a toddler touching grass for the very first time.
Raidiating luminosity rains inside my brain freely…
Easily I take in the landscape around me.
Clinging to the past is not consequential.
There is nothing to be gained by standing still.
No ground to cover if I remain in the same steps that led me there.
Boredom teases me with melancholy.
My mind springs forth and travels well before my troubleome body relents to journey.
tresspassing into the confines of normalcy I remained unchanged.
My heart,my soul remains intact as I continue my search for more…
Pondering my ability to remain still…I seek the confines that will not shackle me.

...and another

thoughts are floating around me as I scramble to make them sit still long enough for me to put on this screen…
giggling nonsense becomes solid as I strike the keys with my gentle strokings…
ahhhh, rapturous gluttany reminds me that I like to breath…
I pull the confines of my mind from the visegrip of normalcy…
fuck normalcy…
boring….mundane…un-glittering…ugly…
I feel the butterfly kisses of something I cant see but I can clearly feel… it gently touches my face on either side…I feel the satisfaction in the touch…I look into the eyes of a thought that has no form….
I raise my arms over my head as I feel the glitering speckles dance from my loose grip… I feel my soul laugh as I dance to the sound that lives in my head…

and another

living inside the tapestry that I alone created I feel ashamed.
existing on the outside of the world around me leaves me cold and unresponsive…
Finding my hoarse voice that once screamed prolifically at the mundane around me…
they look at me but they don’t see me…
pain is truth…pain is real…It makes me feel real in a world that has no control over me…
Pain without love is a broken sentence that should never have been spoken…
Words fall from my fingertips as my mind races to scream the thoughts that threaten to overwhelm me…
rapture is a place I lost as I searched for…
what the fuck was I looking for?????
reality is a perception that only exists for the mundane…I cant live inside that reality…
It sufficates my laboring breaths as I beseech the night to release me from the cacoon of hate I wrapped myself in….
…I am nothing if not real inside the hate that trys to drown my voice from your ears.
Feeling the waves of color that surrounds your lips as they speak to me …
I fall into the colors as I rip my clothes from my quivering form…
My eyes…my eyes…my eyes try to tell you a story that my lips cannot declare…
shhhhhh, wait for the next wave of color…it will burst through the night like a wave from the ocean…crashing into the beach without remorse, without direction.

I fear...

I fear theres nothing inside....

standing agaist the dark purple night sky I reach out to something I cant touch…
Something I cant imagine...
where do I go…
Where did I go…
Im stuck inbetween where I was …and who I might be.
I am frozen in fear to make a move towards something I cant feel, yet I cant go back to where I came undone.
unraveling the truth to the nature of my personal beast I cringe in trepadation.
The cool wind falls over my shaking body as I try to peer into the window of who I am to be…
I feel the eyes of truth boring into my spirit as I try to cover my nakedness…
ashamed I try to make my nature unknown to the eyes around me…
helplessly I tremble inside my own demise as I cling to the empty covering of my past.
I shreik into the darkness that threatens to envelope me…
I cant get my lips to move…
the sound trys to erupt from my soul as I tear at my throat…
save me…save me…save me…
glamour falls to the bleeding earth as I stumble to more solid ground…
rumblings from an uncertain place makes my lips quiver with my truth…
I tear at the beauty that cascades from my bleeding soul as I try to find the me I once was…