ahhh, feels like home!
Glistening rapture illuminates the truth.
recognition of love..is un-earthreal.
tapping the thin veneer of the outer world is precarious .
danger waits for you if you do not draw your sword first.
battle fields are littered with the twisted minds of the captured.
reluctence is disobedience all dressed up.
bane attempts to overcome in invalid tempatures will overwhelm those that do not have their own weapons.
trinity is relevant to this world and others.
Father,Son and Spirit…
Body,soul and spirit…
unlimited reprecussion is culminated to this moment as I breath.
Laughter unbrideled is the circumference to the hidden.
Beauty is grace.
Grace is truth.
Grace is a sheild,Truth is a weapon.
fear is wasted,and bleeding…powerless.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
almost didnt post this one...seems menial,but...has some good lines.
negotiating with freedom...
Holy Spirit…
I was created to encourage the voice of The Holy Spirit.
After church one day I asked my 13 year old daughter, ‘who is the Holy spirit?’
She looked at me for ten seconds before she answered. “The Holy Spirit is the voice of God.”
I Smiled at her. ‘The Voice of God. How do you mean.’
“God is God…the almighty who created the heavens and earth. Jesus is Gods son. He is kinda like Gods personality. Like when Jesus was here on earth, he did and said what God would say because He is God.
“But who is the Holy Spirit?”
“Jesus is God on earth, then Jesus had to leave so The Holy Spirit could come…The Holy Spirit is like Gods voice in your head…He tells you things.”
I smiled at her , “ I love you Lyric.”
…”But what if something bad happens to you?…where was The Holy Spirit?”
Her brow wrinkled, “The Holy Spirit is invisible. But he talks…inside your mind…He tells you that your still o.k….that He still loves you and whatever happened to you only happened in this world, but not in heaven… like your spirit is still o.k.”
Sometimes I get kinda lost in the world. Sometimes all the nastiness that people do to each other confuses me and makes me so sad that I can’t think correctly. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the stuff that is around me at all times. Beyond myself is Him…but what does that mean? sometimes I cant breath. Then a cool breeze inside my mind circumvents my madness. I am to encourage the Holy Spirit in someone’s life…I may not understand(I usually don’t) but my job is not to discern or comprehend….my job is to open my mouth and let peace and unconditional love pour from my trembling lips as I look into the eyes of a silent, angry person(who wants nothing more then to rip my face off, because I am not angry or hateful as they try to challenge me to push them back so they can just…react and not have to take responsibility for their actions.) dang counseling lingo just seeps in…sorry.
To understand the angry eruptions…you have to look past the actions of the hateful. How can I teach to not be violent if I am violent. Speaking softly to ‘go in peace’ is hard to do when your heart is beating and your fingers curl into fists automatically. Taking a millisecond to take a breath and see the hatefully spitting person as a small child will take your anger away in a second though. Tearing down walls with benign hands is precarious at best. To feel the painful, tragic, loss underneath the barrage of hate spewed at you is the moment to find the place to whisper ‘go in peace’ instead of doing the natural, normal thing that you really want to do.
Holy Spirit…
I was created to encourage the voice of The Holy Spirit.
After church one day I asked my 13 year old daughter, ‘who is the Holy spirit?’
She looked at me for ten seconds before she answered. “The Holy Spirit is the voice of God.”
I Smiled at her. ‘The Voice of God. How do you mean.’
“God is God…the almighty who created the heavens and earth. Jesus is Gods son. He is kinda like Gods personality. Like when Jesus was here on earth, he did and said what God would say because He is God.
“But who is the Holy Spirit?”
“Jesus is God on earth, then Jesus had to leave so The Holy Spirit could come…The Holy Spirit is like Gods voice in your head…He tells you things.”
I smiled at her , “ I love you Lyric.”
…”But what if something bad happens to you?…where was The Holy Spirit?”
Her brow wrinkled, “The Holy Spirit is invisible. But he talks…inside your mind…He tells you that your still o.k….that He still loves you and whatever happened to you only happened in this world, but not in heaven… like your spirit is still o.k.”
Sometimes I get kinda lost in the world. Sometimes all the nastiness that people do to each other confuses me and makes me so sad that I can’t think correctly. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the stuff that is around me at all times. Beyond myself is Him…but what does that mean? sometimes I cant breath. Then a cool breeze inside my mind circumvents my madness. I am to encourage the Holy Spirit in someone’s life…I may not understand(I usually don’t) but my job is not to discern or comprehend….my job is to open my mouth and let peace and unconditional love pour from my trembling lips as I look into the eyes of a silent, angry person(who wants nothing more then to rip my face off, because I am not angry or hateful as they try to challenge me to push them back so they can just…react and not have to take responsibility for their actions.) dang counseling lingo just seeps in…sorry.
To understand the angry eruptions…you have to look past the actions of the hateful. How can I teach to not be violent if I am violent. Speaking softly to ‘go in peace’ is hard to do when your heart is beating and your fingers curl into fists automatically. Taking a millisecond to take a breath and see the hatefully spitting person as a small child will take your anger away in a second though. Tearing down walls with benign hands is precarious at best. To feel the painful, tragic, loss underneath the barrage of hate spewed at you is the moment to find the place to whisper ‘go in peace’ instead of doing the natural, normal thing that you really want to do.
hmm, this still makes me sad, for sadness sake.
truth and why...why and truth
I remember thinking the justice system was about justice. Such an innocent time in my life. I thought right was right and wrong was wrong. I thought truth mattered. Yes I did…I thought truth mattered.
Traveling the criminal court system is a abrupt lesson in human nature that I have found un-matched in any other forum.
Righteousness
Truth
Justice
Liberty
These are words that are thrown about in the general population that makes anyone in any aspect of the justice system laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
These same words only have credence if they are given any power…and uh, words have no power there…only money.
Truth is accosted and ridiculed.
Righteousness is smirked at; even in the best circumstances.
Justice is a word that is used to twist the validity from lies.
Liberty, well liberty is a sanctimonious thought given to any individual who can purchase it.
Those that know watch and listen to the blind faithful try to convince us that truth will prevail. I was once one of the blind. I flailed violently at those around me as I read their sad eyes when they looked at me. They didn’t laugh at my nativity…instead they were saddened by the knowledge that justice ceased to mean anything to anyone anymore. Not in the sense that the general population viewed it anyway.
Sitting with a tough, brilliant, prosecutor I listened as she told me , why she became a prosecutor. I swear I could hear the national anthem playing in the background. True to her prolific storytelling nature she spun a beautiful, elaborate, tear provoking speech about truth and justice. Suddenly she leaned in close to my tear stained face. “Fuck if I know why I do it! It’s all bullshit, Mary. Every part of it.”
There is to much pain.
Sometimes it’s to hard .
Sometimes all you have is tiny little pieces of justice.
Forget truth. That valiant word was extinguished when it became a money game and that was so long ago….
Bye bye miss American pie…
So the question remains why do we fight?
Darkness is substance and truth is light…
Its so easy, almost purposeful, to become overcome by the gooey substance of hate. Darkness is a substance…God is light… substance extinguishes light.
…………. I learned something the other day though…faith is a substance too!
Still, the question remains…Why?
Under insurmountable odds.
Through the filth.
Despite hate.
In opposition of the lies.
Why?
I must live for love.
I must believe that.
Love is NOT a noun…love is an action word.
I will look directly into the eyes of pain… I will offer my hand… I will believe…I will show the way to the other side of hate…I will offer light through the darkened substance of evil.
The truth is…the real battle is never fought in a court of law…for we do not fight against flesh and bone.
I remember thinking the justice system was about justice. Such an innocent time in my life. I thought right was right and wrong was wrong. I thought truth mattered. Yes I did…I thought truth mattered.
Traveling the criminal court system is a abrupt lesson in human nature that I have found un-matched in any other forum.
Righteousness
Truth
Justice
Liberty
These are words that are thrown about in the general population that makes anyone in any aspect of the justice system laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
These same words only have credence if they are given any power…and uh, words have no power there…only money.
Truth is accosted and ridiculed.
Righteousness is smirked at; even in the best circumstances.
Justice is a word that is used to twist the validity from lies.
Liberty, well liberty is a sanctimonious thought given to any individual who can purchase it.
Those that know watch and listen to the blind faithful try to convince us that truth will prevail. I was once one of the blind. I flailed violently at those around me as I read their sad eyes when they looked at me. They didn’t laugh at my nativity…instead they were saddened by the knowledge that justice ceased to mean anything to anyone anymore. Not in the sense that the general population viewed it anyway.
Sitting with a tough, brilliant, prosecutor I listened as she told me , why she became a prosecutor. I swear I could hear the national anthem playing in the background. True to her prolific storytelling nature she spun a beautiful, elaborate, tear provoking speech about truth and justice. Suddenly she leaned in close to my tear stained face. “Fuck if I know why I do it! It’s all bullshit, Mary. Every part of it.”
There is to much pain.
Sometimes it’s to hard .
Sometimes all you have is tiny little pieces of justice.
Forget truth. That valiant word was extinguished when it became a money game and that was so long ago….
Bye bye miss American pie…
So the question remains why do we fight?
Darkness is substance and truth is light…
Its so easy, almost purposeful, to become overcome by the gooey substance of hate. Darkness is a substance…God is light… substance extinguishes light.
…………. I learned something the other day though…faith is a substance too!
Still, the question remains…Why?
Under insurmountable odds.
Through the filth.
Despite hate.
In opposition of the lies.
Why?
I must live for love.
I must believe that.
Love is NOT a noun…love is an action word.
I will look directly into the eyes of pain… I will offer my hand… I will believe…I will show the way to the other side of hate…I will offer light through the darkened substance of evil.
The truth is…the real battle is never fought in a court of law…for we do not fight against flesh and bone.
mine and my friends truth in our daily work.
befriending truth
Stuck in the hiccup of pain…
Coaxing degradation from innocence…
Unwinding ribbons of hatred…
Recognizing agony casually, while trying to replace responses…
Survival is a tragedy…
Stuck in the hiccup of pain…
Taking the hand of a silhouette that cannot tolerate touch…
Transpiring against lunacy to negotiate with rage…
Living inside raw liquid emotions that must bubble to the surface without abatement…
Relinquishing history is a truce between the shadows that trip through the night…
Stuck in the hiccup of pain…
Coaxing degradation from innocence…
Unwinding ribbons of hatred…
Recognizing agony casually, while trying to replace responses…
Survival is a tragedy…
Stuck in the hiccup of pain…
Taking the hand of a silhouette that cannot tolerate touch…
Transpiring against lunacy to negotiate with rage…
Living inside raw liquid emotions that must bubble to the surface without abatement…
Relinquishing history is a truce between the shadows that trip through the night…
laughing at my past thoughts
no time to dawdle now...
Current mood:fabulous
I cant be perfect but I can be Holy…devoted to the service of God
Abraham was not a perfect man… but he was Holy.
Holy -
Hmmmm, devoted to the service of God…Wow…that is all that means…
I guess religion was wrong …again…
The enemy sure got his crap all tied up in how we are to live our lives…
I bet he laughs and laughs at us all day and night.
I’ve seen my share of weirdness…
I’ve seen people forsake their family in the name of helping the church…the building…the uhahem the cause.
I’ve seen people run themselves ragged trying to be perfect. The perfect example. The perfect mother. The perfect wife. The perfect…
And he laughs and laughs….cuz while you run around trying to be perfect those of us who effing know we are not perfect watch and think ,hmmm well I already know I suck so…why try…
And he laughs and laughs…
I guess that is my secret…and I don’t mind sharing it with whoever wants to hear it…cuz trust me I KNOW who I am… and if you ever think of putting me under a microscope I will merely smirk my way through your word vomit. I know I cannot achieve perfection or anything even close to it…but I can be Holy.
See how we mess everything up.
Holy is not white billowing gowns.
Holy is not serene faces surrounded by filth.
Holy is not living above the masses.
Psht, Holy is merely living for God…in every second of every day… or at least trying to.
I am not perfect…there are lots of things I have to refrain from doing. And some things I do not refrain from doing because, well because in MY life…in MY life…MYMYMYMYMY life those things help me serve God.
Maybe not yours…that’s cool…we all get there how we get there…but make no mistake I WILL BE THERE… so you will have to find a way to collect your word vomit on your way outa my face and find a different cloud to hang on….cuz I serve God…and that my friend makes me Holy.
Current mood:fabulous
I cant be perfect but I can be Holy…devoted to the service of God
Abraham was not a perfect man… but he was Holy.
Holy -
Hmmmm, devoted to the service of God…Wow…that is all that means…
I guess religion was wrong …again…
The enemy sure got his crap all tied up in how we are to live our lives…
I bet he laughs and laughs at us all day and night.
I’ve seen my share of weirdness…
I’ve seen people forsake their family in the name of helping the church…the building…the uhahem the cause.
I’ve seen people run themselves ragged trying to be perfect. The perfect example. The perfect mother. The perfect wife. The perfect…
And he laughs and laughs….cuz while you run around trying to be perfect those of us who effing know we are not perfect watch and think ,hmmm well I already know I suck so…why try…
And he laughs and laughs…
I guess that is my secret…and I don’t mind sharing it with whoever wants to hear it…cuz trust me I KNOW who I am… and if you ever think of putting me under a microscope I will merely smirk my way through your word vomit. I know I cannot achieve perfection or anything even close to it…but I can be Holy.
See how we mess everything up.
Holy is not white billowing gowns.
Holy is not serene faces surrounded by filth.
Holy is not living above the masses.
Psht, Holy is merely living for God…in every second of every day… or at least trying to.
I am not perfect…there are lots of things I have to refrain from doing. And some things I do not refrain from doing because, well because in MY life…in MY life…MYMYMYMYMY life those things help me serve God.
Maybe not yours…that’s cool…we all get there how we get there…but make no mistake I WILL BE THERE… so you will have to find a way to collect your word vomit on your way outa my face and find a different cloud to hang on….cuz I serve God…and that my friend makes me Holy.
ya ...I still like this one too!
visual nothingness...
Perception is the secret.
What I’ve learned living inside my scream…
I’ve learned that friendships matter…
I’ve learned that you don’t know how far you can crawl until your bloody knees get you there…
I’ve learned that not everyone who acts interested in your life is as captivated by the passion you use to live it….
I’ve learned that words freefall sometimes just because the pain is much to unfathomable…
I’ve learned that love really is the answer to every formable question…
I’ve learned that passion is water I wish to drink from everyday…everyday…everyday…
I’ve learned that when you think your being forgotten…someone is ALWAYS watching…
I’ve learned that truth supersedes EVERY lie…
I’ve learned that pain erupts change…
I’ve learned that we are stronger then we have any right to be…
I’ve learned that victim is a state of mind that can and should be controlled then destroyed…
I’ve learned that I can’t hold the hate inside my mind… because what controls my thoughts controls my mind…
I’ve learned that when you feel like your drowning inside your pain, others are growing strong to bring you outside of it…if you let them…
I’ve learned that beauty is NEVER painless…
I’ve learned that when you think no one cares…someone is always willing to lead the ovation in your honor…
So…Thank you to all my friends who watched and waited for us to come outside our pain and find the utter true exquisiteness of living our life beautifully in spite of the darkness that tried to envelope us…
Perception is the secret.
What I’ve learned living inside my scream…
I’ve learned that friendships matter…
I’ve learned that you don’t know how far you can crawl until your bloody knees get you there…
I’ve learned that not everyone who acts interested in your life is as captivated by the passion you use to live it….
I’ve learned that words freefall sometimes just because the pain is much to unfathomable…
I’ve learned that love really is the answer to every formable question…
I’ve learned that passion is water I wish to drink from everyday…everyday…everyday…
I’ve learned that when you think your being forgotten…someone is ALWAYS watching…
I’ve learned that truth supersedes EVERY lie…
I’ve learned that pain erupts change…
I’ve learned that we are stronger then we have any right to be…
I’ve learned that victim is a state of mind that can and should be controlled then destroyed…
I’ve learned that I can’t hold the hate inside my mind… because what controls my thoughts controls my mind…
I’ve learned that when you feel like your drowning inside your pain, others are growing strong to bring you outside of it…if you let them…
I’ve learned that beauty is NEVER painless…
I’ve learned that when you think no one cares…someone is always willing to lead the ovation in your honor…
So…Thank you to all my friends who watched and waited for us to come outside our pain and find the utter true exquisiteness of living our life beautifully in spite of the darkness that tried to envelope us…
and another...
The path is still unclear...
Ahhh, taking a breath when I would rather succumb to the nothingness that I think that I am…
Hearing the sound of the voices that tell me that I have done great and mighty things…
Circumventing the reality that threatened to vanish from my fingertips.
The battle was much easier when I knew what I was fighting for…
Living inside the hiccup of awesome is tiresome and menial.
Climbing higher to illustrate the beauty of magical kisses…all around me…all around me.
Nativity was my shield….now the knowing overtakes my senses as I try to breath my tortured breath outside of my trembling body.
Clarity is the storm of discomfort, as I try to stand on my righteous legs once again…
Blowing kisses to those around me exhausts me when I sleep…
Turning to the masses engulfs my senses…
I row out as He did…
I become myself as I tear the scars from my soul.
Living inside the dream…is not any better then living inside the scream…
Knowing the outcomes frightens me beyond measure…
Words of wonderment scatter as I try to become the moment in an instant.
Ripping the grip of failure from my shaking form overcomes my rasping breath…
I screamed into the night once …don’t you see what I’m doing?
Mimicry is the sound of rebirthing and is now the response to my tears…
Remember…remember…surrounds my hateful stare into nothing…
My scars quickly redouble as I busied myself with me….
Swallowing air as I try to find some fear to provoke me.
Ahhh, taking a breath when I would rather succumb to the nothingness that I think that I am…
Hearing the sound of the voices that tell me that I have done great and mighty things…
Circumventing the reality that threatened to vanish from my fingertips.
The battle was much easier when I knew what I was fighting for…
Living inside the hiccup of awesome is tiresome and menial.
Climbing higher to illustrate the beauty of magical kisses…all around me…all around me.
Nativity was my shield….now the knowing overtakes my senses as I try to breath my tortured breath outside of my trembling body.
Clarity is the storm of discomfort, as I try to stand on my righteous legs once again…
Blowing kisses to those around me exhausts me when I sleep…
Turning to the masses engulfs my senses…
I row out as He did…
I become myself as I tear the scars from my soul.
Living inside the dream…is not any better then living inside the scream…
Knowing the outcomes frightens me beyond measure…
Words of wonderment scatter as I try to become the moment in an instant.
Ripping the grip of failure from my shaking form overcomes my rasping breath…
I screamed into the night once …don’t you see what I’m doing?
Mimicry is the sound of rebirthing and is now the response to my tears…
Remember…remember…surrounds my hateful stare into nothing…
My scars quickly redouble as I busied myself with me….
Swallowing air as I try to find some fear to provoke me.
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